THE north was aghast last week when a news story broke that 'six out of 10 children were born out of wedlock'. And the worst offenders of this sort of thing were from Derry and Belfast of all places.
The Office for National Statistics revealed that 10,540 babies were born to parents who weren't married, making up 43.2 per cent. In Larne, more than half of all babies were born to unmarried parents but in Magherafelt on 27 per cent of parents were unmarried.
And then we had a bit of input from a Free Presbyterian Minister, the Rev David McIlveen, who helpfully added that the figures were "a tragedy" and young folk "can't tell the difference between love and lust". According to him we are all – hold on to your bloomers – "swinging towards a promiscuous society".
Well, I'd like to tell him something. Not one of my friend's gorgeous little reminders of their wanton promiscuity are tragedies. They are all precious gifts. They are all wanted supported, loved beyond measure. How dare he judge people who chose not to marry? How dare he look down upon couples who live together as a beautiful, strong, ringless family unit? How dare he judge people who have been left to bring up children alone? How dare he?
I think it's a sad reflection of our society that being married or unmarried even warrants comment or judgment. Even Beyonce's warbling told us that "if you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it".
I think it is ridiculous that our society might still view people who have kids without the ring on their finger as somehow lesser than those ring wearers. As long as children are born into loving families and cherished as the gift that they are it matters not if their parents are married, unmarried, divorced, widowed or same sex.
Having a child together is a much bigger and far scarier commitment that signing your name on a piece of paper, exchanging gold rings and having a big party to celebrate.
I hate to think of those unmarried couples, living as a normal family, doing normal family things without rings on their fingers, raising amazing kids in happy environments, thinking that they are doing anything at all wrong in how they are bringing up their offspring.
I hate to think of those same-sex couples bringing up their children in strong, loving family units thinking they are any less of parents than man and wife.
I hate to think of the single mothers – fearless women of strength and courage, raising children completely by themselves in the hardest job in the world – feeling judged by those behind these outdated opinions.
My sister is a single mother and she is my hero. She is all things to her kids. Her two boys count on her for everything and she is there for them 24-hours a day, seven days a week without a break. Single parenting is relentless, cruel at times and utterly exhausting. When things got tough she could have just lay down and died. But she didn't, she kept going for her boys. She, and many single parents like her the land over, should be celebrated, not judged. She is an absolute superhero.
What does it matter if kids don't live in a conventional married mum-and-dad set up? What matters is that they are brought up surrounded by love, stability and support always.
I'm not saying marriage doesn't matter to me. I'm married myself, but that is my personal choice. That does not mean I look down my nose at the mum next to me who is not married. That does not mean I make snide remarks about a single mother, more likely tell her I don't know how she does it, because I don't think I would have the strength to.
People find themselves in their own 'normal' family set up through a variety of avenues, some chosen happily by themselves and others have their circumstances thrust upon them.
Parenthood is the biggest undertaking anyone ever faces. It's hard, thankless work at times, as well as rewarding. Let's band together and help each other out instead of bashing each other down.
Here's to families. Whatever shape or form they come in. Here's to love, for that is all that matters.
