Life

Sleb Safari: Abz sells his Brit Award for £1.1 million

Abz from boyband 5ive has turned his back on pop music and taken up country pursuits. He and his partner have moved to a farm in south Wales and have their own TV show called Abz on the Farm
Abz from boyband 5ive has turned his back on pop music and taken up country pursuits. He and his partner have moved to a farm in south Wales and have their own TV show called Abz on the Farm Abz from boyband 5ive has turned his back on pop music and taken up country pursuits. He and his partner have moved to a farm in south Wales and have their own TV show called Abz on the Farm

HOW much top soil can you get for £1.1 million? That's the question keeping Abz from former boy band 5ive awake at night. That and the Champagne heartburn.

Abz netted more than £1m after auctioning off his 2000 Brit Award on eBay to fund his farm in south Wales. The best of it is that he was only looking to raise enough money to buy topsoil "and maybe some garden tools".

The listing on eBay was proof Abz had no hand in writing the songs that made 5ive famous – gems such as Everybody Get Up with its lyrics "You gots to keep it real/You gots to keep it raw/I'm lyrically blessed so don't try to ignore" – because it was funny, self deprecating and honest.

"Take advantage of my poverty and grab this rare opportunity to own a bit of pop history!!," Abz wrote.

"No more awkward silences when people come over to your house!! This is a real conversation piece even if you didn't win it!"

The award was in "good condition" with only “light scratching" but has been “dropped a few times and is currently being used as a door-stop”.

Don’t stop there Abz, tell us more.

“...It has also been held by Jason Statham, although I cannot prove this”.

Abz had to have a sit down when bidding reached one million pounds.

“Oh my God – I don’t know what to say. It has to be a hoax – it can't be real," Abz told the Associated Press.

“I don't need a million quid! I feel-light headed. All I needed was a bit of top soil and it's gone nuts.

“I better get in touch with eBay – that’s a lot of soil!”

By Sleb Safari's non scientific calculations Abz will have enough top soil for his own farm plus the entire Sahara Desert.

Abz didn't rid of his Brit award on a whim and in true X Factor meets Britain's Got Talent meets Celebrity Big Brother style squeezed in a reference to his 'journey'.

“It's always been something I’ve taken with me along the journey, even when I was broke. But then I was looking at it one day – we use it as a doorstop – and I thought that it is so under-appreciated by me now that I might as well put it up for auction too.

“Maybe I’ll start a trend for other struggling pop stars.”

Here's hoping Abz, here's hoping. Sleb Safari wants to see Liberty Z flogging those canes they used in the Just A Little video and Bewitched selling their double denim wardrobe. Let's get this economy back on its feet.

'You wouldn't throw 50p at X Factor contestants if they were busking'

GRAHAM Norton, Sleb Safari's favourite chat and radio show host, has never been afraid to speak his mind and for that we love him.

Now, with flagrant disregard for the mighty Simon Cowell, Graham has come out and said what most of us are thinking – the X Factor is rubbish.

“I haven’t watched X Factor the past few years because it just seems so long now – it’s endless,” he told the Radio Times.

“Also, the people aren’t very good, so to all the judges’ comments of ‘I’d buy your album tomorrow’ you think, ‘You’re never having an album’.

"You wouldn’t throw 50p at them if they were busking in the tube. I think it’s lost its credibility.”

Warming to his theme Graham also scoffed at the idea of guilty TV pleasures.

"... if it’s pleasurable, why feel guilt? If there’s a fabulous documentary on BBC4 about the invention of the clay pipe, I’m always going to choose something bubble-gummy and stupid on the other side. And now that there’s iPlayer, you need never feel guilty.”

Look at that – outspoken and gloriously on message as a BBC employee. What a star.

Barbie's Instagram is way better than yours

HAVE you met Socality Barbie? She's the best thing on Instagram.

She's the work of a US wedding photographer who poses a Barbie in photogenic locations to lampoon an obsession of some Instagrammers – and particularly celebrities who are selling a lifestyle (yes, you Blake Lively) – to capture the 'perfect moment' and filter the life out of it to prove their life is prettier, cooler and more authentic than yours.

In one photo she's sitting in a stripped-back, bare wood cafe with a chunky wool shrug around her shoulders having coffee with a friend who "inspires me to live my best authentic life" and in Sleb Safari's favourite post she's showing us her hot dog legs in the bath with the caption "taking a relaxing bath and feeling so #blessed".

She also has a boyfriend who is a "barista/model/writer/woodworker".

Check out hipster Barbie's account, she does Instagram so much better than you.

Social Media Watch