Sleb Safari: Backstreet are back and no it's not all right
OFF to Hollywood where there’s a movie project in the pipeline so epic that it’s sure to knock The Shawshank Redemption, The Godfather and Citizen Kane off the top of every best films list for the rest of time.
The Backstreet Boys and ‘Nsync have teamed up with the people behind the Sharknado trilogy to make a zombie western. What’s a zombie western, you ask? Why, Sleb Safari already knows it’s going to be a horror film, intentionally or otherwise.
The project’s working title is Dead 7 which is uncanny because Sleb Safari always felt some of those boyband members were dead behind the eyes.
Dead 7 will be a post-apocalyptic film (yay, Sleb Safari’s favourite. The Road was so uplifting) about a “ragtag band of gunslingers” fighting a zombie plague, according to Backstreet Boy Nick Carter who had a chat with Rolling Stone magazine.
"It's a zombie western futuristic horror movie," Nick elaborated. "My character is still being worked out right now, but I'm a good guy that's going to help save the day.”
'NSync's Joey Fatone has also joined the mix and says he’s playing “the drunk” which isn’t a familiar character from all two zombie films Sleb Safari has watched.
"We've never done anything together collectively," Joey said of the Backstreet/'NSync crossover.
"People always think [we're] some sort of rivals. But it's so funny, there's never been animosity or anything like that. Now we're setting the record straight by doing a film together."
‘NSync bandmate Justin Timberlake is going to let this one pass. Boy will he regret that when it’s time for the Academy to review the year’s films. Like you, AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys has high hopes for Dead 7.
"Movies like this can turn into cult phenomenons and that's what Sharknado happened to be. I watched it, I'm like, 'OK, this is ridiculous but I'm still watching it and I think it's awesome.'”
But the good times don’t stop there, Nick Carter has his eye on other 90s boyband members.
“There’s a wish list of people that I want. I want it to be musically based. I might reach out to Jordan [Knight] from the New Kids on the Block.”
Don’t stop there Dead 7 team, get all of NKOTB involved, plus Mark Wahlberg and Aaron Carter. In fact let’s not leave anyone out. Could Bros have parts? And what about Big Fun – there must be room for them?
Sleb Safari doesn’t know how you feel about the whole Dead 7 thing but this film is sounding better and better. It’s Back to the Future 3 meets The Road meets Terminator meets A Million Ways to Die in the West with a shark thrown in for good measure. And that, film students, is how you win an Oscar.
Simon Cowell arms the family against seagull attack
HEARTWARMING news from Camp Cowell where new dad, Simon, has proven he will stop at nothing to safeguard his young family.
Consumed by fear that marauding seagulls could attack while his nearest and dearest are in the garden of his English manor, Simon has invested in hard hats for them and now his pet dogs, Squiddly and Diddly, are safe as houses.
The Sun has the scoop. Apparently Simon was heard talking about his seagull paranoia at recent X Factor auditions.
“I am getting a crash helmet designed for my dogs,” Simon is claimed to have said. “There is a seagull problem in this country right now. Seagulls are actually attacking animals. They are coming inland at the moment.”
In further Yorkshire Terrier news, it appears the music mogul wants to clone the little blighters and has gone as far as holding discussions with a South Korean biotech firm.
A source told Heat magazine so it must be true.
“Money is not an issue,” the source added. “Simon is determined to make it happen.”
Should Sleb Safari be worried about seagulls? Could one pick it up and fly away? Sleb Safari always thought that if it were to die at the ‘hands’ of a bird it would be a magpie, what with their penchant for glittery, shiny things.
Blur reminisce about the 'good old days'
FURTHER evidence that men are from Mars and women are from planet Earth was unearthed last week in a Guardian interview with Blur in which two band members spoke about a punching ‘game’ the band used to play.
“It wasn’t playful, it really hurt,” Dave Rowntree remembers.
“We’d sit on chairs in a big circle and everyone would punch the person to their left as hard as they liked in the head, and it would go on round. Generally it wasn’t too bad. You rarely fell off your chair from being punched in the head too hard, mainly because we were always too drunk.”
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