Life

Nuala McCann: reality TV marriage vs real romance

Was finding a mate really a much simpler affair in the old days? Nuala McCann thinks so – even if she can't tear herself away from hit reality TV show Married At First Sight

Nuala McCann

Nuala McCann

Nuala McCann is an Irish News columnist and writes a weekly radio review.

Emma and James in Married At First Sight
Emma and James in Married At First Sight Emma and James in Married At First Sight

WAS it all so simple then or has time rewritten every line?

In the old days, finding the right mate involved a sloosh of Charlie perfume, a slathering of sticky pink lip gloss and a little gleam in your eye for the boy at the bar as you tripped the light fantastic around a pile of handbags.

Oh oh Black Betty, bam-ba-lam.

I'm not saying it was an easy business: you fell into all sorts of arms before you found the right pair.

And you had to contend with songs about being a maiden young and fair and letting no man steal away your thyme.

Many's the match was made over a pint of water orange in the bottom bar and a slice of Battenburg in the buttery bar.

But the past is another country. They did things differently then.

And then along came the internet and before you knew it, you had so many friends and they knew ever so much about you and the world was your big oyster and suddenly it seems like it got more complicated.

Which is where Married At First Sight comes in.

Yes, it's a television programme and I'm addicted and mesmerised and bewitched.

About 1,500 people applied to find their perfect match and get married at first sight on television.

They handed over all their choices about the right mate to a bunch of experts who looked, scientifically, at them from all angles and decided who should go with whom. They even got a vicar on board.

Remember that old card game – Mr Bun the baker belonged with Mrs Bun. Or what about that TV show Mr & Mrs, a truly interesting take on what you knew about your other half – it was perfect with a bacon sandwich on school holiday lunchtimes.

But this new documentary takes matching up to a whole new level and 'tis far from the matchmaker in The Quiet Man.

This was very serious science. There was a psychiatrist, a social anthropologist, a psychotherapist and even a church minister.

There were all sorts of tests to be done. Apparently facial symmetry has a role to play, as do genes, as do what your weekend timeline is like.

If one of you disappears to the pub of a Friday after work, it is better that the other is not at home, sitting cross-legged stitching French knots or pithy aphorisms like 'There's no place like home' onto a tapestry cushion cover.

The whole idea of the ideal scientific match is mystifying.

I was hooked.

In the end out of all those 1,500 who volunteered to marry a complete stranger, just six were chosen – three perfect couples.

But the volunteers had to get their families on board and, in one case, it all fell through when the bride's family were not amused. Perhaps it was just too much of an indecent proposal to them and she ended up as a runaway bride (get all the film references?)

Sam decided not to go ahead because her family were very unhappy and that left Jack almost at the altar – but not quite.

And the thing was, they seemed right for each other – the Jill to his Jack – and, away from the television cameras, couldn't they just meet up on the sly and see how they got on?

Now we are left with two couples, off buying wedding outfits and telling wedding outfit assistants that they won't see the person they are marrying until they hit the top of the aisle.

You could have knocked one of the very polite shop attendants over with a feather fascinator.

It was fun.

It brought back memories of shopping with a friend for a wedding dress many years ago.

At the back of the big fancy bridal shop were boxes with girls' names on. The shop assistant explained that some young women had chosen and put a deposit on a dress before they had even met their prospective mate.

I haven't got over it yet.

So now, in TV world, we're down to Emma and James, Kate and Jason.

Will sparks fly when their eyes meet as she walks up the aisle? After the wedding they have five weeks together and if they are not happy they can divorce.

How will it go for them? Can science be proved right?

Or is it more about that little je ne sais quoi – that twinkle in the eye, the way you wear your hat, the way you sip your tea.

Call me an old romantic, but I don't believe science can make it work. Surely it is much more magical that that – but I'll still be watching to find out.