Life began at 60 for rock journalist-cum-agony aunt Virginia Ironside who after a lifelong battle with depression is enjoying a happiness that only comes with age. She talks to Jenny Lee about being a granny stand-up
SHE may have partied with the Rolling Stones and The Beatles but for agony aunt, columnist and author Virginia Ironside confidence and inner-peace only came with age. Now in her seventies, she has never been happier and is sharing that joy with others through her-one-woman show Growing Old Disgracefully. "I'm not going to say I'm not riddled with arthritis and I can't see as well as I used to, and I don't want anyone to think I'm a Pollyanna about being old but I've done young, I've tried out new things and had my heart broken and I think there are a lot of advantage to being old," says Ironside who will be performing at Bangor's Aspects Festival tomorrow night.
Directed by Nigel Planer of The Young Ones fame, the show, which first premiered at Edinburgh Festival Fringe and was adapted from her novel No I Don't Want to Join a Book Club!, explains why unlimited free drugs, fun funerals, grandchildren and sex - or even better, no sex - make the sixties the best and funniest time of your life. "It comes across as a spontaneous talk but of course it's scripted down to the eye-balls. You could call it granny stand-up," laughs Ironside, who says that the decision to go on the stage is the most disgraceful thing she has done. "I would have been too frightened about making a fool of myself earlier in my career. That's one of the lovely thing about being old - it doesn't matter if you fall on your bottom. When I was young everyone older than me was frightening. Confidence comes with age because it's not just that others are not a threat but you are also not a threat."
So what else is good about growing older? "Grandchildren, obviously, and even the whole topic of being able to talk freely about aliments is fun. My friends and I refer to each other as Dr so-and-so because we know so much about illnesses. Plus you get more compassionate and understanding with age," says Ironside whose grandchildren are aged 10 and eight.
Death doesn't frighten her - though the thought of an afterlife does. "There is a feeling of huge forgiveness, love and warmth at funerals that you don't get at weddings. I don't think I believe in any kind of afterlife;
I rather dread the thought. Life is terribly difficult - I'm amazed I've done 70 years of it. I've always found life a big effort."
A music journalist for the Daily Mail in the 1960s, Jimi Hendrix, the Rolling Stones and the Beatles are among the rock luminaries she has interviewed. But Ironside, whose lifelong battle with depression is well documented, describes the 'swinging 60s' as "one of the most unhappy and unpleasant times" of her life. "It was vile for a lot of girls because the pill had just came in. There was an extraordinary sexual revolution but an extremely demeaning time. "Many women were incredibly used and you can see it by these abuse cases only now coming to light. I was depressed and living with an alcoholic mother who was attempting suicide. No number of interviews with the Rolling Stones would make up for that worry and responsibility."
Ironside has been hospitalised three times with her depression - but not in the past 20 years. Now in her 70th year, what does she believe made a positive difference? "Oddly enough, ageing has, having a child has and all the things that are not meant to make a difference such as being slightly better financially off and having my column. Also years and years of counselling - most of which was rubbish. Someone who is empathic and kind and understanding." Famed for her columns as Agony Aunt for Woman and currently The Independent, Ironside admits that as well as helping her empathise with others, the column has helped her own wellbeing. "I always used to think everyone else was top of the world whilst I was gloomy. Being an agony aunt has taught me that most people have terrible doubts and uncertainly and are frightened."
Questions on isolation and fear are the most common questions she has answered over the years, but Ironside says the key to a happy retirement is embracing the inevitable loneliness that comes with age and keeping busy. "I cope by making it a job to keep in touch with friends and organise things. I have lodgers in my house, who I talk to, I'm compulsively social and it can be a huge effort but what I dread about getting older is that I won't have the impetus or energy to keep cracking on. Even with physical aliments you just need the desire to cross the road, even if you can only do it at the rate of a snail."
* Due to demand Virginia Growing Old Disgracefully has been moved to the larger venue of the Festival Marquee in the Walled Garden tomorrow at 7pm. The Bangor Aspects Festival runs from September 25-28. See aspectsfestival.com or phone the box office, 028 9127 1200.