Life

My own brand of parenting works well for my kids

IF YOU'VE got kids and you can't name two or three ridiculously named modern parenting techniques, then you simply aren't trying hard enough.

Every newspaper you open throws another wacky parenting trend at you. There's authoritive, attachment, free range, nurturant, helicopter, ethical, tiger, green, the list, and the books that accompany that list, goes on and on.

I have my own brand of parenting. It's not tiger, it's not pussycat, maybe it's somewhere in between.

Having four children is no walk in the park. It's gruelling; it's a sometimes thankless task; it's messy; it's expensive; it's noisy and it's hard work. I do my best but it's often chaotic.

I was trained extensively at the 'it'll do' school of parenting. I suppose if I was to put a label on it I would describe it as 'crazy parenting', kind of like that crazy paving that was all the rage on driveways a few years back - it looks like it's all over the place but it has a good solid foundation and it gets you from A to B relatively safely.

With all these brands of parenting about, it's hard to know where to fit in. I could never pick the right answers in the 'what type of parent are you?' parenting features and find a pigeonhole for my parenting techniques.

In answer to the 'how do you discipline your child?' questions, it was always naughty step this or time out that. There was never an answer that read: 'tell them they will serve hard time in jail if they eat another biscuit' or that they'd be 'brought back to their real family in the travelling circus if they didn't stop fighting with their brother'.

I am not a strict disciplinarian. I keep my kids safe, they are happy, I am the boss and they do what they are told. They are good kids and I think I'm doing a good enough job.

That's why I was relieved to hear that new research has suggested that the uber-strict tiger parenting, championed by Chinese-American mother Any Chua, may do more harm than good.

Researchers from America studied around 250 families and found that this super-demanding strict style - forcing children to learn musical instruments, criticising and punishing for bad school marks and allowing children little time for play - led to children with 'more aggression, depression, anxiety and social problems'.

This tough love, the researchers found, led to the kids being too scared to explore their creative sides or do anything rebellious, meaning they often lacked certain social skills as they get older.

It gave them no outlet to be weird or outlandish and they struggled to behave around people.

They were super-intelligent in their heads but struggled with very simple social interaction.

Who knows what way my children will turn out with my 'crazy parenting'"?

They will know they are loved beyond measure and that they are amazing people.

I may be crazy but I am also crazy about these kids.

I'll do anything to help them become fabulous adults.

And these are crazy times we are living in.

We are all - helicopter, tiger and authoritive parents - trying hard because we love our children. Love makes you crazy, as do kids and their seemingly never-ending and cheerfully oblivious Kamikaze attempts to destroy themselves.

Now I'm off to copyright the term 'crazy parenting' and write a book.