GOOD morning to the out and about and to self-isolators alike, it’s another Bluffer’s Guide to Irish.
The Bluffer has a cough and is worried that he might have caught the dreaded coroinvíreas - coronavirus aka Covid-19 (Dramatic organ music plays in the background).
Everyone else is laughing their legs off and telling him it’s just a man-flu but just because you’re a hypochondriac doesn’t mean to say you don’t have a fatal respiratory disease.
Well, half the world is now gripped in fear and the other half are ar nós cuma liom - devil may care about an víreas - the virus that has made its way from Wuhan.
“Can it kill Irish-speakers?” is the question on the lips of everyone who has done anything from a bunrang - a beginner’s class to a cúrsa cruinnis - an accuracy course.
Sadly, dear friends of all creeds and classes, the answer is yes.
So what can we do to keep the dreaded Covid-19 at bay.
So what can we do to protect ourselves in order to pass an Ghaeilge bhinn - the melodious sounds of Irish to survivors of the paindéim - pandemic if it ever arrives.
Thankfully, Feidhmeannacht na Seirbhíse Sláinte - the Health Service Executive in the south has issued guidance on what steps to take to keep Irish safe from the pesky Covid-19.
Nigh do lámha go maith agus go minic - wash your hands well and often chun éilliú a sheachaint - to avoid contamination.
To do this for the right amount of time, you should sing a song. Many songs have been suggested from God Save the Queen to Come Out Ye Black and Tans but Gaeilgeoirí might go for Oró Sé do Bheatha Abhaile or Mo Ghile Mear. However, sean- nós singing is to be avoided as you will be at the sink all day.
Another piece of advice is cumhdaigh do bhéal/shrón - cover your mouth/nose if you are coughing or sneezing.
Rinne mé casacht - I coughed or lig sí sraoth - she sneezed.
Of course, you should sneeze or cough into a ciarsúr páipéir - paper handkerchief and when you’ve done that, get rid of the hanky.
Also, seachain teagmháil le do shúile - avoid contact with your eyes as well as your nose and your mouth unless your hands are clean.
Finally, glan agus dífhabhtaighrudaí agus dromchlaí - clean and disinfect objects and surfaces that you are in contact with on a regular basis.
Now, the Buffer hasn’t been to north Italy and it’s four years since he was in China (and nowhere near Wuhan) so he might still be around for next week’s Bluffer, if God and spares him.
But just in case, his garage is chocabloc with baked beans and toilet rolls and he has booked the TV to watch box sets of The Sopranos, The West Wing, Game of Thrones and Love/Hate (again).
By the time those have been watched and the baked beans eaten and the toilet paper used, the deadly virus will hopefully have been given the KO by the shining knights of medical science and public health.
Experts. Who needs them, eh?
CÚPLA FOCAL
coroinvíreas(corone-veeriss) - coronavirusar nós cuma liom(ar noce cuma lum) - devil may carean víreas(un veeriss) - the virus bunrang(bunraang) - a beginner’s classcúrsa cruinnis(coorsa crinyish) - an accuracy coursean Ghaeilge bhinn(un gaylick vin) - melodious Irishpaindéim (panjaym) - pandemic Feidhmeannacht na Seirbhíse Sláinte(faymanakht ne servisha slaaintcha) - the Health Service ExecutiveNigh do lámha go maith agus go minic(nee daw laowa gaw myh agis gaw minick) - wash your hands well and often chun éilliú a sheachaint(hun aylyoo a hakhintch) - to avoid contaminationcumhdaigh do bhéal/do shrón(coodee daw vayl/daw hrone) - cover your mouth/noseBhí mé ag casachtaigh(vee may eg casakhtee) - I was coughinglig mé sraoth(lig may sree) - she sneezedciarsúr páipéir(keersoor paapair) - a paper handkerchiefseachain teagmháil le do shúile(shakhin chagwaal le daw hooila) - avoid contact with your eyesglan agus dífhabhtaighrudaí agus dromchlaí (glan agiss jee-aowtee rudee agis drumkhlee) - clean and disinfect objects and surfaces