Who would you be happy sharing a few hours in a stalled lift with?
Go mbeannaí Dia daoibh, welcome back boyfriends and girlfriends to the Bluffer’s Guide to Irish.
“People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world,” warbled Barbra Streisand back in the day.
However, there are some people who are just cúthail or faiteach - shy and they are very happy ina gcuideachta féin in their own company, thanks very much.
Indíritheach is an introvert in Irish but it’s more of a technical term. I would say duine dó féin atá ann - he keeps himself to himself or duine iontach ciúin atá i Róisín - Roisin is a very quiet person.
The other type of person is an extrovert.
Bean mhór cuideachta atá i Sinéad - Sinéad loves company is one way of describing the life and soul of the party.
Sometimes it’s hard to get two words out of others at times.
So, just imagine you are in a lift one day and it breaks down. Who would be the worst person to be stuck in an lift with?
You could be at work and going up to the canteen with the saoiste - the boss (OMG!) or that ould wan who is a bit of too ardnósach - snobby for your liking or the plámásaí - the psychophant who agrees with everything anyone in management has ever said and who belly laughs at all their ancient knock-knock jokes.
Or the leadránaí - the bore who tells you all about his or her holidays in the United Arab Emirates or about their decking or the price of their house or how little Aoife and Fiachra are getting on so awfully well at the naíscoil.
Gimme Hitler, Franco and Mussolini any day!
Actually you could have a very interesting conversation with these deachtóirí - dictators as you try to find out what made them tick – just don’t annoy them!
The question arises, dear reader, with which historical characters would you enjoy sharing a stalled lift or even having them over for a few days in your house?
It could be like Celebrity Big Brother with Michael Collins, Eamon de Valera (I’d keep my eye on him when he goes into the Diary Room), Lloyd George and that great historian, Sir Bob Geldof.
(Tonight, the housemates have to sign an Treaty.)
However, following onwith the historical theme, my favourite dinner party/trapped lift guests would include an staraí - the historian Eamon Phoenix, an t-acadúlaí the academic, Alan Titley, from Cork, Frank Reidy iar-shaighdiúir in Arm na hÉireann - a former soldier in the Irish Army and an cartlannaí - the archivist Catriona Crowe.
The combined eolas - knowledge, greann - humour and their shared acknowlegment that the life we live in is truly bonkers should make it a very pleasurable experience.
I don’t know how much intellectual stimulation you would get from Donald Trump in a confined space or from his new prison reform tzarina, Kim Kardashian or Kanye West or Beyoncé.
You might be a football fan and want to be in a stuck lift with, say, Joe Brolly for, maybe, 10 minutes or Mickey Harte for five minutes – at a stretch.
It all depends on what your interests are who you want to spend time in a confined space with – but sadly lifts have no conscience.
cúthail or faiteach (coohil fwychakh) - shy
ina gcuideachta féin (ina gudgeakhta hayn) - in their own company
indíritheach (injeeryhakh) - an introvert
duine dó féin atá ann (dinya daw hane ataa un) - he keeps himself to himself
duine iontach ciúin atá i Róisín (dinya eentakh kyoo-in ataa in rawsheen) - Roisin is a very quiet person
bean mhór cuideachta atá i Sinéad (ban wore cudgeakhta ataa i Shinayd) - Sinéad loves company
saoiste (seeshta) - the boss
ardnósach (ardnosakh) - snobby
plámásaí (plaamaasee) - a psychophant
leadránaí (ladranee) - a bore
deachtóirí (jakhtoree) - dictators
an staraí (un staree) - the historian
an t-acadúlaí (un tadadoolee) - the academic
iar-shaighdiúir in Arm na hÉireann (eerhyjoor in aram na herun) - a former soldier in the Irish Army
an cartlannaí (un cartlanee) - the archivist
eolas (oliss) - knowledge,
greann (grann) - humour