Go mbeannaí Dia daoibh agus bhur gcéad fáilte isteach chuig The Bluffer’s Guide to Irish.
For the umpteenth time, the Bluffer is back on an aiste bia - a diet.
It’s not that he wants to get fit for Christmas as so many people do - it’s pretty pointless losing weight before the chocolate and pudding gluttony---fest that Xmas has become.
No, his Gaelicness is 1.5 stone overweight and he’d rather not be, so, like his ancestor, the Paleolithic Bluffer it’s time to go hunting and gathering or as it is known today, ag siopadóireacht - shopping where the Bluffer is going to buy some glasraí - vegetables and torthaí - fruit.
So it’s off to check out a few nearby supermarkets some of which have their aisles marked in Irish and in English?
People have a weird relationship with vegetables. As kids we hated the stuff.
The smell of cabáiste - cabbage would turn us, potatoes were ok as long as they were made into sceallóga - chips or champ while bachlóga - sprouts were to be avoided at all costs.
But then we mellow through time and before you know it, you are eating brocailí - broccoli and making your chips out of prátaí milse - sweet potato.
And the Bluffer is now checking out the calories in a cóilis - a cauliflower or the fat content of a leitis - a lettuce.
Oh, the joy of it!
They say that eating trátaí - tomatoes before going to bed burns fat so those are on the Bluffer’s to-buy list too.
When he awakes in the morning having lost a couple of pounds in the middle of the night thanks to the tomatoes, it’s time to have a nice breakfast.
Is maith liom sailéad torthaí ar maidin - I like fruit salad in the morning.
So, the Bluffer will cut up an úll - an apple, an oráiste - an orange, some fíonchaora - grapes, sú talún - strawberry and cíobhaí - kiwi fruit.
Then he’ll pour some yoghurt - iógart as it is spelt in Irish - and Bob’s your uncle.
The Bluffer now drinks lots of teas too, from Peppermint to Lemon and Ginger and Lychee (you should try it).
This particular diet allows for meat to be eaten - just take the fat off it - and you can have any number of healthy smailcbhianna - snacks so you rarely feel hungry.
Of course, it also helps to start or to keep exercising when you are on the diet. The new food regime will help you lose weight but going for walks will help you lose it quicker.
Chaill mé meáchan means I lost weight and
cloch is a stone and punt is a pound so hopefully you’ll be able to say chaill mé cloch - I lost a stone or chaill mé trí phunt - I lost three pounds. (Remember what numbers do to words?)
Anyway, the fruit and veg has been bought for the week to go with the other healty stuff that will replace the battered Mars bars and the pastie baps as the Bluffer metamorphoses from Mr Creosote into Michael Fassbinder.
No, you will not be following the Bluffer’s progression in this column, just hope that he has enough energy to write next week’s thrilling instalment.
CÚPLA FOCAL
aiste bia (aashta beea) - a diet
glasraí(glasree) - vegetables
torthaí (torhee) - fruits
ag siopadóireacht(eg shuppadoreakht) - shopping
cabáiste(cabaashta) - cabbage
sceallóga(skyallawga) - chips
bachlóga (bachlawga) - sprouts
brocailí(brocoly) - broccoli
prátaí milse (praatee milsha) - sweet potatoes
cóilis(coelish) - a cauliflower
leitis(letcheess) - a lettuce
trátaí (traatee) - tomatoes
Is maith liom sailéad torthaí ar maidin(iss muy lim salayd torhee er madgeen) - I like fruit salad in the morning
úll(ooal) - an apple
oráiste(oraashta) - an orange
fíonchaora (feenkheera) - grapes
sú talún(soo taloon) - strawberry
cíobhaí(keewee) - kiwi
iógart (yawgert) - yoghurt
smailcbhianna(smalk-veeana) - snacks
Chaill mé meáchan (khyle may maahan) - I lost weight
cloch(clokh) - a stone punt(punt) - a pound
chaill mé cloch(khyle may clokh) - I lost a stone
chaill mé trí phunt(khyle may chree funt) - I lost three pounds
