ACCIDENTAL writer and de-glossified yummy mummy Gill Sims is feeling all calm and serene when she picks up the phone ahead of her forthcoming visit to Belfast when she will be chatting about her third book of unconventional motherly musings, Why Mummy Doesn’t Give A ****.
I have caught her enjoying a rare, peaceful moment, maybe worthy of one of those picture-perfect images on social media that she has spent her last two books demystifying for mothers with a less-than-perfect life – rather like her own.
"At the moment, it's actually fairly calm and quiet here, but probably everyone will start fighting now I've said that," she says, laughing heartily down the line.
It has certainly been a whirlwind journey for the 40-something mother-of-two, from first 'jokey' blog to Sunday Times bestseller list, but you get the impression she has grown used to taking things in her stride, whether dealing with a child in a pond or discovering her irreverent blogs have made a book deal.
"I do have to take stock and pinch myself pretty much all the time," she admits. "It's all been quite unexpected, but it's fantastic and I'm hugely grateful for it every single day, even if it still seems slightly like it's happening to someone else."
Sims will be appearing at The MAC this month as part of a new extensive UK tour and she is looking forward to her first (professional) Northern Ireland visit and hearing 'the craic' from local fans who resonate with her sweary, tongue-in-cheek accounts of family life.
"My husband is from Carrickfergus so I've been to Northern Ireland quite a few times," she says. "I enjoy this aspect, meeting readers and getting to discuss some of the topics. And each audience is so different, so you never know exactly what is going to happen.
"One of the funniest nights was in Linlithgow just outside Edinburgh. I took Buddy, my older dog, with me and pretty much everyone was there for him and weren't interested in me at all."
Unfortunately, the dog will not be accompanying her to Belfast and the Scottish-based writer (whose background, up until a few years ago, was in engineering consultancy) will be hogging all the limelight for herself while being interviewed on stage by ex-BBC presenters and "laughstyle vloggers" Caz Perry and Georgie Palmer, aka The Large G&C.
It all started with a blog in a wordy backlash to authoritarian views on how 'proper' mothers shouldn't swear and later, her Facebook musings on life with 'Peter and Jane' became so popular, her "witterings" evolved into actual books: Why Mummy Drinks, Why Mummy Swears and Why Mummy Doesn't Give A **** which was published last year.
"I partly started the blog in the first place because I was fed up with all the #soblessed ‘perfect families’ #makingmemories on social media, and I was very quickly astonished – and delighted – to find so many other people felt the same as me," she recalls.
"Like most mothers, I would happily die for my children, but I didn't think you had to live every waking moment for them. When I first joined Facebook, I would wonder why people were finding it so much easier than me and doing so much better than me with their perfect cupcakes and their magical days at the beach.
"Everyone was going to advanced yoga classes and claimed to get tiddly on half a glass of wine. They seemed to be having a lovely time when I just wanted to shut myself in the cupboard under the stairs and eat chocolate biscuits."
As for the advanced yoga? "Well, I have been to quite a basic yoga class, but didn't even manage that. I gave up quite quickly; I think it was for bendier people than me."
She has a warm and waggish, self-deprecating sense of humour and is an easy conversationalist, so light-hearted reflections and reveries will doubtless be well received by Belfast fans who have also called time on Facebook braggadocios.
But, like the last one in on the joke, Sims – mother to the 'Moppets' and wife of 'Gadget Twat' – finally realised what she was reading and viewing online was a highly edited version of normal, family life and swiftly decided a little more honesty was called for.
"Before the blog took off, I was probably a little bit guilty of doing all that myself," she admits. We also would have magical trips out where we wouldn't mention the fact that one child was bleeding before we even left the car park and another had been yanked from the jaws of death while they tried to throw themselves under a car or somebody had fallen in a pond and generally the whole day had been spent crying and shouting. Yet, we managed to get that one perfect (filtered) photograph and put up for everyone to see..."
Is motherhood, then, despite its flaws and chaos, still something she would recommend?
"Hmm," ventures Sims, after mulling it over a good few seconds, "yes, yes, it is, but get a puppy first. A puppy is a good introduction to it; if you can cope with a puppy, you can probably cope with motherhood."
:: Gill Sims is in conversation at The MAC on June 16. For tickets and info see themaclive.co.uk
